My New Year's Resolution

I must confess, Batman is a particular hero of mine - he kicks ass, he takes names, he kicks some more ass and he really doesn't care if you enjoy it or not. He'll do it some more, too.

And this makes me realise - I probably haven't been as hardcore as I could have been. Maybe I pulled some punches, maybe I didn't try to bite enough kneecaps - who knows, the big plank of wood I keep outback probably shattered on someone's skull somewhere. Doesn't matter - I've been working up to what's on the way nice and slow, taking my time, learning the names, slugging it out in and around the trenches. It's been a blast, and to reference Big Jim, No one here gets out alive.

Point is - 2006 is the year of the Ghost. No more pussyfooting around, no more comedy interludes - well, maybe the odd banana - more importantly, no more chances.

Expect every single mistake to be dragged over the coals like there's no tomorrow. Every screw up laughed at and made fun of. Every bad actor blasted with a swift kick to the groin, and a humorous splat / ka-pow!! to the nose.

Thought it was wringer-time for the suckers out there already?

It's about to get a lot worse.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't take a certain amount of delight in watching people that should know better squirm. Hackers, IM Trojan pushers, companies that drag their heels, virus popping asshats - I enjoy watching you suffer. I'm willing to bet most of the people reading this do, too. Hell, I spend a good hour a day doing nothing but laughing at the amount of times mass pwnage ensues. Lollers. Laugh @ joo. This website doesn't have the words "Revolution", "Solution" and "Now" at the top of it for nothing, you know. These aren't empty gestures - and woe betide my sorry ass, if I haven't delivered something vaguely spectacular every time I've promised you something fun to read about.

It's all in the planning, you see.

And now, stage two of my little plan is on the way. A long time ago, somebody's life was shattered, because of a morally bankrupt industry that "inspired" a loser to upload a Trojan / Adware bundle onto a PC. All for a few lousy dollars. Well done.

That morally bankrupt industry wrecked her life and spawned my good self, and reaping what you sow has never tasted so sweet. It should come as no surprise to you that I do have a list of the companies whose garbage was on the PC that caused so much pain and misery. Do I hold you responsible for what happened?

Yes and no.

Mostly yes. Do you wonder if I keep my list pinned to the wall, planning to tick you off one by one after I dispense what I feel to be suffient quantities of verbosity to your sorry behinds? How many years ago was it? Did I ever mention that? Can you gather the clues and work it out? Was your company around back then? Have those companies already folded in any case? Do you think you might have been in the crapware bundles that irk me so?

Am I gunning for you?

Are you wetting your pants?

I have a towel here somewhere if you need it.

Of course - pinning lists to the wall is for idiots. I keep it all in my big, juicy brain for teh win. And make no mistake, teh win is what it's all about this year. 2005 saw some progress, but in many respects, we've gone from 4th and inches to one of those six-hundred yard punts down the field. With your eyes closed. And your legs missing.

So here I am, ready and waiting for a fresh onslaught of crappy installs, bad practices, deviant leet hax0rs who think they are indeed "the bomb". No doubt, there will be misunderstandings along the way. And writer-types who get the wrong end of the stick. And people who will attempt a spirited defence, when they should just get it over with, hold their hands high and say, "Yeah, we suck, we're sorry and can I have my ball back now"?

I say, bring 'em all on.

I'm waiting.

Like the Bat says - Striking terror.

Best part of the job.