Come sit on my knee, brief mortal...

....and tell me not what you'd like for Christmas, but five random things about yourself! There's quite the thumping collection of readers here, as well as a whole bunch of individuals who post things and stuff in the comments with regular abandon. Here's your chance to share your awesomeness with the world, sort of, so don't be shy and fire away. I'll even get you started - it's surprising how many items in my list involve people getting hit but I guess that can't be helped.

1) I once flew to China and punched someone in the face.
2) I was present when a woman fell into a collapsing portaloo on the third day of a rock concert. Warning, that link is completely horrendous. And there's not even any pictures.
3) I once punched a homeless man in the face while holding a cheesburger in my other hand. He was going to attack me with his group of hobo buddies, see.
4) My favourite director is Wong Kar Wai.
5) One time in a nightclub some random guy came up to me and told me in no uncertain terms I'd "better start dancing with his wife", or else. He then told me in no uncertain terms that if I danced with his wife, he'd get the gun from the boot of his car and shoot me. I ran away.