Know why the Internet Interpol won't work?

Because we suck, that's why. We suck big, and we suck hard. How am I supposed to report something when there's no-one available to report it to?

Read this. From the article:

According to detective chief inspector Charlie McMurdie of the Metropolitan Police e-crime unit, who is also one of the permanent members of the U.K. Interpol working group, existing Interpol forums are addressing key priorities in e-crime including botnets, hacker tools and techniques.

Now, I don't know about you but I get more joy from the US police-type guys than those in the UK. You have some sort of problem with something online in the US, and you literally have guys in black suits and shades throwing themselves at you. However, in the UK, there's just no way to get hold of anybody. Why is this? Well, have you ever actually tried to get hold of someone from the UK E-Crime unit? Good God. Google them up - okay, a bunch of articles about them, but no direct webpage link. I found a Fraud Alert page, but is that what I'm after? Yes? No? Haven't got a clue, but my eyes are already glazing over at the endless splat of text and tons of links I have to click into.

Plan B - we have a name from some of the writeups....Charlie McMurdie. So I Google her up, and get....more piles of nothing. Wow, this is going well so far. Going back to the original search, I start trawling through the articles and eventually find something called the NHTCU - National Hi-Tec Crime Unit, I'm guessing. This sounds promising - I Google them up, aaaaand......

COMPLETE. WASTE. OF. TIME.

From the website:

The National Hi Tech Crime Unit has now become part of the Serious Organised Crime Agency. As a result the NHTCU is no longer providing individual responses to enquiries either via this web site or direct email contacts.

If you are a member of the public wishing to report a crime or criminal attempt, please contact your local police force within your country of residence. Details of UK police force contacts can be found at Police.co.uk.

....at which point, you'll get put through to some random Copper who hangs up on the jibbering loon rambling about something called a "Botnet", on something called the "Internet". Anybody attempting to ring up the common-or-garden police call centre number regarding some Internet bad guys is in for a rough ride, of the "sorrywedon'tknowwhatyou'retalkingabout" variety. Trust me, I've tried it and it's only worth doing if you fancy your world exploding in a variety of LOLs for half an hour.

What a complete and utter joke. You've got more chance of going round to the Botmasters house and dispensing some quick and easy justice with a baseball bat, than you have of getting hold of someone who can actually help you out.

And then they'd have the cheek to arrest you!

Where is the big, fat webpage with a big, fat CALL US number on it? Nowhere, yet how many people are getting with who knows what purely because the UK E-Crime division is apparently a group of Stealth Ninjas?

Anyone else out there had any experience with the UK police and online crime reporting?