Any Police working in England out there?

Can someone out there in England put me in touch with a police officer (in England, in case you hadn't already guessed) who knows what a computer looks like, has heard of that mystical thing called "a search engine" and knows not to go looking for the ANY key.

I've only ever worked with US Law Enforcement types, and I desperately need to get the ball rolling on something over here. However, such rudimentary enquiries to one of my local stations (which you have to do to get hold of the Computer Crime Unit because members of the public can't contact them directly....wait, do I hear laughing in my brain?) .......resulted in confused expressions and puzzled silence galore. Even something as basic as trying to explain what a security company was resulted in:

"....what, you mean like AOL"?

Yes, exactly like AOL.

Also,



A few hours of that, and I'm now vaguely annoyed.

Admittedly, this isn't the usual way to get hold of a cyber cop, but as the current procedure in the UK involves you beating your head on a brick wall for 24 solid hours, I thought I'd try something a little different. It's a sad day when you have to beg for police on a freaking blog, but I'm willing to try anything once.

/ Update - Boxed this one off, thanks :)